before i was big enough for mommy’s doctors to figure out my gender, lots of people secretly hoped that i would be a girl. but some people, like auntie barbara, made no secret of it. when mommy and daddy told auntie barbara that i was going to be a boy, she didn’t want to believe them. she even went with them to a doctor’s appointment and challenged the ultrasound tech to prove to her that i was a boy. so, what did the tech do? he got a close up shot of my private parts and gave auntie a print out. how embarrassing!

auntie barbara really wanted a little niece so she could dress her up in pink clothes, paint her fingernails, and put cute bows in her hair. mommy was a little worried that auntie barbara wasn’t going to love me since i wasn’t going to be a girl. auntie promised that she would love me, but joked that she would put me in pink dresses and do girlie things to me! don’t laugh. it’s not funny 😡

well, now that i’ve arrived and have a few months under my belt, i’ll have you know that i am 100% dude.

• i love pretty girls. daddy used to think i hated him. but nope, it’s all guys. and it’s not even that i don’t like guys, it’s just that i much prefer to be in the arms of a woman.
• i beat my chest. yup, just like tarzan. (actually, i usually end up pounding my fists into my stomach. but we’ll say that it’s my chest for argument’s sake.)
• i belch like a frat boy.   still.  *buuurp*
• i want beer. whenever there is a beer in sight, i try to grab it. i’ve never actually tasted beer, but for some reason, i really really want it. (see photo.)
• i can sport a mean faux hawk. girls don’t look good with faux hawks. not even those models who get boy haircuts to show off their high cheekbones.
• i am a gadget freak. laptop, tv, iphone, remote control — these are my favorite things.
• i spit. that’s right, i spit. most kids drool, but not me. i let the saliva pool up in my mouth and then i spit. charming, huh?

that’s right. 100% dude. was there ever any doubt? 😉

luckily, i’ve won over auntie barbara with my good looks and charm. she is always buying me toys and clothes, and she comes to visit me all the time even though she lives way far away. she couldn’t love me more 🙂

today is daddy’s birthday.  all daddy wanted was for me to be good so that he could relax on his special day.  that was wishful thinking.

i wanted to stay awake all day because i didn’t want to miss out on any of the birthday excitement.  daddy tried to put me down for my regular naps, but i refused to sleep even though i was rubbing my eyes and giving all the sleepy signs.  as a result, i was awake and cranky for most of the day.  daddy read to me, took me out for a walk, played with me on the computer, but nothing seemed to work.  i finally took one little catnap after tiring myself out by dancing in front of the mirror.  daddy was so proud that i was getting down to taylor swift.

mommy made a special birthday dinner for daddy — pot roast!  that’s a big deal because mommy doesn’t eat pot roast.  i was excited because i thought that meant there would be more for me, but i didn’t get any!  there was a huge hunk of beef on the platter with delicious gravy made from the drippings, braised root veggies, stuffed sweet peppers, melon soup, guava cake… and what do i get?  rice cereal mush.  i was so mad that i refused to eat.  that’s right, i didn’t eat one bit of that mush.  every time that spoon went into my mouth, i spit it right back out.

so yeah, all daddy wanted for his birthday was to relax, but things clearly didn’t work out that way.   i hope he’s not too mad at me.  at least i gave him a present.  and i’m cute.  isn’t that good enough?

thanks to everyone who participated in my “if you’re happy and you know it…” poll. i know you’re all wondering whether you supported mommy or daddy, and now i can tell you!  daddy sings the lyrics “if you’re happy and you know it, and your face will surely show it“. mommy sings “if you’re happy and you know, and you really wanna show it“. like i said, i looked up the song lyrics on the internet, and found that both ways are right, depending on which website you land on. but wikipedia, the source of truth on the web, says that mommy’s lyrics are correct, and daddy’s lyrics are a “common variation”.

before i share the results of my study, lemme tell you about daddy’s theory. daddy thinks that “and you really wanna show it” were the original words to the song.  then shortly after mommy learned the song, there was a nationwide movement to change the lyrics to “and your face will surely show it”, which is how daddy learned the song.  so, if daddy’s theory is right, then younger respondents would sing “face”,  and older ones would sing “want”, right?  well, there was a fairly even spread of ages supporting both sets of lyrics, so i say that myth is busted.

but if you’re interested in the numbers, here they are:

52% said:  …and/then your face will surely show it

35% said:  …and you really wanna show it

12% said:  something else

as for which lyrics i will be singing…  one of mommy’s mixtapes samples a rap version of the song.  the words are: “if the person next to you is ugly, and i do mean really really really ugly, if the person next to you is ugly, clap your hands.  *clap*  *clap*

seriously. those are the words. but mommy doesn’t want me to learn that version of the song because she says it’ll get me kicked out of pre-school…  or beat up.  so i think i’ll go with one of the “other” lyrics that auntie victoria posted — “then you really oughta show it”.  it’s not the popular choice, but it certainly makes the most sense in the context of the song, dontcha think?

i’ve heard that there are ways for babies to tell their parents that they are ready for solids:

• at least 4 months old: check!
• doubled birth weight (or at least 15 lbs):  check!  i think i’m at ~17 lbs.
• head control:  check!  i can do tummy time all day long.
• sitting well when supported:  check!  sure, i can sit, but i’d much rather stand.
• chewing motions:  check!  this is same as smacking my lips, right?
• growing appetite:  check!  i am always hungry.
• curiosity about grown-up food:  check!  i am constantly lunging and grabbing at mommy’s froyo and daddy’s steak.

i’ve been trying to tell mommy and daddy for almost two months now that I WANT REAL FOOD!  i got really excited last night when i got to sit down with a bowl and spoon — i thought i was finally going to get a real meal.  but it turned out to be rice cereal mush 🙁

it seems that koda liked it, though.

i’ve always thought that mommy’s and daddy’s lives revolved around me.  we do what i want, when i want — i’m the center of their universe, and that’s the way i like it.  but lately i’ve been starting to think that i’m being brainwashed.

let’s see, in the past couple of days, i have been to the climbing gym to go rock climbing…  to the park to play grass volleyball…  to the pearl tea shop to pick up pearl milk tea…  to the taqueria to eat a burrito…  to the froyo shop to stock up on froyo…  and to lots of other fun places that i wanted to go to.  (can you guess which of those places mommy took me to and which of them i went to with daddy? :P)

i didn’t find it suspicious that mommy and daddy have been taking photos of me doing all these fun activities at all of these places.  the thing that tipped me off is that they’d show me the photos later on and say “look kyden, you love pearl tea.”  or “ky, look how much fun you had rock climbing!”

how dumb do they think i am?  i am an individual with my own interests and preferences.  i will not be brainwashed.

hmmm…  i don’t know why, but i suddenly have a craving for pizza and froyo.

i know you’re waiting to read about my findings from the “if you’re happy and you know it” study, but my analysis is not yet complete.  don’t worry.  it’s coming soon.

in the meantime, lemme tell you about st. patrick’s day.  apparently, this is a day where you have to wear green, otherwise you get pinched.  that’s a strange tradition if you ask me.  luckily, auntie barbara (who is in town visiting me this week) brought me a special st. patrick’s day shirt.  mommy washed and dried my shirt late last night so that it would be all clean and ready for me to wear today.  so this morning, when daddy got me all dressed, you would think that he would dress me in my special shirt, right?  wrong!  he picked out a blue outfit for me. no green. blue. he wanted me to get pinched!

see, i have been pinching daddy really hard lately, and he was trying to get revenge.  (he even tweeted about it, so i have proof!)  he thinks that i have been angry with him, but that’s not the case at all.  i’ve just been practicing my pinching skills in preparation for this strange holiday.  if you wanna see what happens when i’m really angry, check out what i did to the inhabitants of exersaucerland!

mommy and daddy are fighting 🙁  they are leaving it up to me to settle the dispute for them, so i need your help.

for most things in life, mommy and daddy get along great.  but one of the things they can never agree on is spelling.  daddy always thinks that his way is right.  mommy, of course, insists that her way is right.  they can’t both be right, can they?  well, it turns out they can.  mangoes, mangos.  grey, gray.  pomelo, pummelo.  theatre, theater.  whenever there’s a word that has an alternate spelling, mommy and daddy spell them differently.  weird, huh?

well, it seems that this weirdness has carried over into children’s song lyrics.  lots of my toys play popular children’s songs like “itsy bitsy spider”, “the wheels on the bus”, and lots more.  but they only play the tunes, leaving mommy and daddy to sing the lyrics.  last night, mommy was singing “if you’re happy and you know it”, and daddy flipped out.  he said that she was teaching me the wrong words!  after much debate, they decided that they would let me decide which lyrics i wanted to sing.

so, i did what any kid would do in my situation, and i searched for the lyrics on the internet.  cuz if it’s on the internet, it must be true, right?  but the problem is that there are sites out there that show the lyrics mommy’s way, and others show them daddy’s way.  even wikipedia says that there are alternate lyrics to this song.  please help!

if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

if you’re happy and you know it _____________.

if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

it would really help me out if you would leave a comment with the correct lyrics to fill in the blank.  don’t look it up.  just go with your first instinct. thanks 🙂

i guess there were too many monkeys jumping on my bed…  cuz it broke!  yup, one of the plastic clips that supports the platform of the co-sleeper snapped off the other night.  don’t worry, i’m okay — i wasn’t even in it.  actually, it was mommy who broke the bed.  she told daddy that it was an accident, but actually, it was all part of of our plan.  see, now that we don’t have the co-sleeper, i hafta sleep with mommy and daddy, right?  right!

well, the first thing that daddy did the next morning was call around to local shops to see if they have replacement parts that he could buy.  they don’t.  too bad for daddy.  yay for me.  but daddy is very resourceful.  he found the manufacturer’s website and discovered that he can order parts from there 🙁  i don’t think he’s ordered them yet.  maybe he’ll forget.

mommy and daddy discussed the interim options.  1) i can sleep in the bed with them.  2) i can sleep in my crib in my own room.  mommy said that if i sleep in my own room, then daddy has to be the one to get up in the middle of the night to check on me and carry me to and from their bed when it’s time for me to eat.  well, that was the end of that conversation 😛  needless to say, i slept with mommy and daddy last night, and i’ll be there for at least a few more days.  yay!

so for now, at least, everyone gets to sleep where we want to — even koda!  yup, koda has been sleeping in my room lately.  when we all go upstairs, koda pretends to fall asleep in his bed at the foot of the stairs.  but after lights out, i hear him dash up the stairs.  he usually manages to sneak back downstairs, undetected, early in the morning.  but sometimes i wake up for a 4:30am diaper change, so mommy and i go into my room and turn on the light, and there’s koda, looking all guilty.  mommy points at him and laughs and says “koda, you’re busted!”

so, life is good in the tanaka household right now.  i hope daddy forgets to order the replacement parts for the co-sleeper.  but if he does remember, i think they’re going to get lost in the mail.  yeaaah… that package is definitely going to get lost in the mail.

last week mommy started working again, after staying at home with me for 5 months. luckily, daddy has been at home lately, so he has started taking care of me during the day. the first day that daddy had to take care of me i remember hearing him say that he and i would be taking turns crying everyday. i don’t know what he was talking about, i thought that we were going to be just fine.

since daddy wasn’t familiar with my morning routine, i had to show him the ropes. after i am awake and ready to start my day, we go pick out an outfit for the day. at first, daddy was dressing me in tops and bottoms that were the same color. grey shirt, grey pants. blue shirt, blue pants. he figured that he couldn’t go wrong that way. but i told him that the monochrome look is sooo 2008. by the end of the week, my outfits were looking cute, and even my bibs were coordinated with my clothes! mommy was impressed.

after we have the outfit, it’s time for me to play in the exersaucer. i like to pretend that i am KYZILLA, a towering monster that wreaks havoc on its surroundings. every day i terrorize the inhabitants of exersaucer land. i check to see if any of its inhabitants can fully fit in my mouth. i’m very methodical and thorough in my daily checks.

after i’m done playing in the exersaucer, we do some exercises and practice sitting up. at this time in the day, i’m usually really tired and so daddy and i take our morning nap. we don’t nap for long, though, because we still have lots to do in the day.

after our short catnap, we go and play in the play yard downstairs where i flip over, play the piano, grab my inchworm, and try to crawl. after playing, maybe watching a little tv, and eating lunch, i’m ready for a long nap. i think daddy naps with me again. you’d think he’s a baby too with all the napping he does!

after that, we just do all sorts of different things. it’s a lot of fun and i’m glad that i can spend time with daddy. sometimes, though, i miss mommy so much and i make sure everyone knows it. mommy knows, and she comes running to say hi and make me feel better.

for the past week, mommy has been putting me down to sleep earlier in the evening, and i think that i hear daddy come in not too long after i fall asleep. i think it’s tough work for him to try to keep up with me, the KYZILLA!

one of the things that has helped me transition to sleeping in my own bed (co-sleeper) is my nighttime routine. this is a big deal because mommy and daddy aren’t “routine” kind of folks, but it’s all part of the jedi mind trick. (i’ll explain. read on.) this is what bedtime looks like for me:

• change into my jammies
• sit with mommy on her bed and read a bedtime story. i have so many stories to choose from because mommy has always loved and collected children’s books (and i’m not even counting the ones that she had when she was a kid). one of my favorites is “snoozers” by sandra boynton.
• turn off the lights and turn on twilight turtle (which, despite what auntie cindy would have you believe, is not a story about baby vampires)
• lie down in my bed and listen to mommy sing songs to me. she always sings “never gonna let you down” by surface and “in your smile” by na leo pilimehana. after that, it could be “loving you” by minnie ripperton, “here i go” by sugar babes, or any of a number of other old skool slow jamz. sometimes, i get disney princess songs. ewww. (mommy says that i would appreciate them more if i was a girl.)

this whole routine is typically takes about an hour.

so anyway, lemme tell you about twilight turtle. he is da bomb. by day, he is a stuffed toy that hangs out with my other stuffed animals. you’d think that he wouldn’t really get along with my lion, giraffe, elephant, and other jungle creatures, but he is such a cool guy that he doesn’t have a problem fitting right in. by night, he is not only a nightlight, but he also turns the room into a starry night sky. when i get older, mommy and daddy are going to teach me about orion, the big dipper, and the seven sisters from the comfort of my own bed!

the first time i saw the starlit “sky”, i was wide-eyed with wonderment — completely mesmerized. but now, when i see the stars, i know that it’s sleeptime. (that’s the jedi mind trick.) and even when i wake up in the middle of the night, mommy turns on the stars to help me relax and fall back asleep. twilight turtle rocks.

great feature for mommies and daddies: twilight turtle has a 45-minute auto-shutoff. (he also projects the constellation in 3 different colors, if you’re into that.) great tip for all my little ladies: if turtles aren’t your thing, you can get a twilight ladybug! she’s just as cool as twilight turtle, but not as fun to say.

twilight turtle by cloud b: 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 (out of 5 :))