i had such a traumatic day today.  i went to the doctor for my 18-month checkup, and i recognized the place as soon as we arrived.  but i was tricked!  instead of my regular nurse, i was greeted by a different nurse who was really young and really pretty.  (i guess my regular nurse was on vacation or out sick or something.)  i thought that since my regular nurse wasn’t there, i could get away clean, without getting stabbed by needles.  but as soon as mama laid me down on the exam table with the crinkly paper, i knew that the pretty nurse had it in for me.  here are my stats:

• weight: 23 lbs. 8 oz. (19 %ile)
• height: 32.5 inches (56 %ile)
• head circumference: 48.5 cm. (70 %ile)

mama couldn’t believe that i only gained ~1 lb. in three months, so i adjusted the scale again, just to be sure.  my height and weight are pretty much stable, but my head sure is getting big!

after taking my measurements, the pretty nurse left the room.  whew!  all done, right?  i kept trying to leave, but mama wouldn’t let my put my pants or shoes back on.  i knew there was something fishy going on, so i tried to hack into my doctor’s computer to see what was in store for me.

then the doctor came in.  he was just doing his usual checkup (ears, tummy, etc.), but i sobbed uncontrollably.  i knew the needles were coming.  even after he had finished, i couldn’t stop crying.  he was trying to have a conversation with mama, but she could barely hear him because i was wailing in her ear.  she was holding me tight, but i couldn’t stop shaking.

when the doctor left the room, i calmed down for a moment.  but then the pretty nurse came back in with a needle.  i knew it!!!  i started sobbing and shaking again.  i didn’t feel the needle go into my arm, so i looked to see what was going on.  but then the nurse reached toward my arm again, and i started screaming again.  it turned out that she was just putting on a band-aid.  oh.  that’s it? i felt sort of silly and stopped crying immediately.  the thought of the needle was 100 times scarier than the injection itself.

i only got one shot today (and it was supposedly an “easy” one), but it was the most emotionally traumatic doctor’s visit of my whole life.  good thing i don’t have another appointment for 6 more months.

i went to go see the doctor for my 15-month checkup today. here are my stats.

• weight: 22 lbs. 5 oz. (19 %ile)
• height: 31.5 inches (61 %ile)
• head circumference: 47.2 cm. (50 %ile)

doc is happy with my growth. even though i am underweight (based on the stats), i seem to have settled into a stable spot on the growth curve. doc says that i’m going to be 5’10″ and skinny. i know what you’re thinking — mama and daddy don’t believe it either.

doc agreed with mama and daddy’s assessment that i’m a lefty. he told them not to try to force me into right-handedness cuz lefties have competitive advantages in sports — mean hooks in bowling and a reverse spin in tennis.  he had daddy at “bowling”.

doc also diagnosed me as being a very “busy” kid.  i think that’s the medical term for “always on the move, checking out every corner of the room, curiously opening every cabinet and drawer, crawling into every little space that you can fit in…”  i never thought much of it when my aunties called me “busy”, but since that’s the doc’s professional opinion, i guess it must be true. he warned mama and daddy to be very careful with me because i will start getting into even more things that i already do.  mama and daddy said that that’s not impossible.  oh, i’ll show ‘em.

while i was taking a break from all the exploring, i sat on mama’s lap to get a drink of water. then all of a sudden, the room started shaking and mama covered my head. what the heck? EARRRRRTHQUAAAAAKE!!! (4.1 centered in san jose.)

that should have been my first clue that it was going to be a bad day. sure enough, i got prodded and poked, i had pointy things stuck into my ear, and just when i thought it was all over, the nurse came back to stick needles in me! but at least i got 2 really cool snoopy band-aids on my thigh. mama says they’re the same band-aids that i get every time — i don’t know why i never noticed them before.

remember when i went to the doctor last month for my 1-year checkup?  i was 20 lbs. 4 oz. and 30.25″ tall.  and since my weight was falling down the growth chart, my doctor said that i should add cow’s milk to all the other good stuff that i’ve been eating and drinking.  sounded like a plan, right?  so i started mixing full-fat milk into my cereal, drinking milk with meals and snacks, and pretty much gorging myself every day until my belly protruded so far that i looked pregnant.  even uncle greg made fun of my milk gut!  i was sure that i was packing on the pounds (and inches).

so today, when i went in for my flu shot, i asked the nurse to check my stats.  all that eating and drinking is hard work, and i wanted to see that it was paying off.  but guess what!  i am the SAME height, and only about a pound heavier than last month!  (and actually, when i got home, i made a MONSTER poo that must have weighed at least a pound, so i am probably not any heavier at all.)  so, that means that in the past month, i didn’t get any bigger.  at all.

OMG, i have stopped growing.  that’s right.  at 13 months old, i’ve reached my adult height of 30.25″.  how sad for me.  i’ll never reach the height of that you-must-be-this-tall-to-ride-this-ride line at all the amusement parks, so i’ll never know the joys of bumper cars, roller coasters, or even the kiddie dragon ride at happy hollow.  mama said that if i hang from the bars at gym class, that would stretch me out taller.  i’ve been doing that, but i don’t think it’s working.  do you think i should move up to the higher bars?

i guess the upside is that i’ll save a lot of money on clothes.  and does anyone know when the next star wars movie is coming out?  i could be an ewok…  or R2D2…  or yoda.  yes…  be yoda, i will.

for the past month, mama has been saying that she couldn’t wait for my 1 year checkup to see just how shrimpy i really am.  i’m NOT shrimpy — i am normal-sized!  mama must be hanging out with giants like bob the builder.  of course i am shrimpy compared to him.  look at the noggin on that guy.  even his cat has an oversized head!

so i went in for my checkup, and i guess mama was right (sort of).  here are my stats:

• weight:  20 lbs. 4 oz. (13 %ile)
• height: 30.25 inches (64 %ile)
• head circumference:  46.6 cm. (56 %ile)

overall, i am a-okay, but my doctor says that i need to bulk up a bit.  by my age, kids should have settled into a percentile range and stick to it.  but look at my growth chart from birth through today.

my height has settled right into the 60-70 %ile range.  but my weight peaked at around 75 %ile, then continued to fall down down down to its current 13 %ile.  at this rate, i’m going to fall right off the chart in a few months   at least i’m not a pinhead anymore.

uncle jamie says that i am definitely not underfed.  if you’ve ever seen me eat, i think you’d agree.  i eat.  a LOT.  i think i must have koda-disease.  both koda and i eat as much as we can, but we just can’t put on weight.  (mama has even taken koda to the vet because he’s so skinny that his ribs stick out!)  this problem must be genetic, but i dunno where we got it from.  mama and daddy are both really good at gaining weight.  but shhh, i didn’t say that

i went to the doctor for my 9 month checkup today.  i was just fine in the waiting room, and i was even okay in the exam room while on mommy’s lap.  but as soon as mommy laid me down on the table with the crinkly paper, i started having flashbacks of the big needles that have been stuck into me while i was in that very spot.  waaahhh! i hate that place.  i wriggled and squirmed, but to no avail.  i knew i should have spent more time practicing running so that i could have bolted outta there.

but to my surprise, no shots   yay!  the nurse weighed and measured me, and the doc looked into my ears and pressed by belly like usual.  mommy was a little sad to hear that i am “falling down the curve”, but doc said not to worry because i look great.  here are my current stats:

• weight:  18 lbs 14 oz  (27 %ile)
• length:  28.5 inches  (64 %ile)
• head circumference:  45.5 cm  (60 %ile)

notice anything odd?  i did!  how the heck can i be 27 %ile for weight when i still have all these arm/leg/neck rolls and multi-chins?!  and more importantly — my head finally caught up with the rest of me!  i’m no longer a pinhead!  hooray!  10 points for you if you picked up on that

so, i got a clean bill of health, and then i was home free.  or so i thought.  but instead of heading home, we went downstairs to another office.  i had never been there before, but i had a feeling it wasn’t going to be pleasant.  i would be right.

i sat on mommy’s lap and she held me tight so i couldn’t move.  mommy held my wrist, extending my arm so that the inside of my elbow was exposed.  a lady came and said that i have great veins, so this was gonna be easy.  what?!  WHAT was gonna be easy???

the lady stuck a needle into my arm, and i started thrashing around like a shark.  she wiggled the needle around inside my arm, into like 5 different positions!  waaahhh! she eventually pulled the needle out and bandaged me up.  whew.  she must have given up, so i was all done, right?  wrong.  she was just calling for backup.  needle lady said i was sooo strong and moving my arm sooo much that another guy had to come in to help.  so with three people holding me, she stuck a needle into my other arm and TOOK MY BLOOD!!!  waaahhh!

(apparently, 9 month olds get a standard blood test.  maybe if i turn out to be anemic, daddy will feed me steak!)

mommy says that i must have gotten her veins.  she is always being told that she has great veins, but she ends up getting poked 2x more than should be necessary.  during this whole ordeal, mommy looked so sad and kept telling me that she was sorry.  do you think she was apologizing for giving me her veins or for letting needle lady steal my blood?

you know those “then and now” photos that people take, where they find an old picture of themselves, and take a current one in the same pose? i thought i’d have some fun with that today.

that was me then…

this is me now!

who is that itty bitty wrinkly red baby in the “then” photo? i don’t even recognize him!

THEN: i was 1 month old

NOW: i am 6 months old

THEN: i weighed in at 10 pounds, 10 ounces

NOW: i weigh 16 pounds, 14 ounces (40 %ile)

THEN: i was 22.5 inches long

NOW: i am 27.75 inches long (88 %ile)

THEN: i was a cry baby (i wailed when i got just one shot)

NOW: i am a tough little boy (i got three shots today — whimpered for just a few seconds, but didn’t cry at all)

i used to be overweight, but now i am tall and skinny! i know what you’re thinking, but i don’t have a eating disorder. i’m obviously not anorexic — i eat all day long. and even though i sometimes gag myself by sucking on my fingers a little eagerly, i swear i’m not bulimic. it’s my daily cardio routine (rolling and bouncing around) that keeps the pounds off.

as for my newfound toughness, i’ll let you in on my secret. mommy! yup, mommy used to stand away from the exam table because she couldn’t bear to watch the big needle go into my little leg. i would cry, she would cry, and we would both be a mess. but today, mommy held my hands, kissed me on the forehead, and sang to me while my nurse administered the vaccinations. it was all done before i even realized it!

are you paying attention, little friends? learn from my pain, and train your mommies and daddies early

i went to see the mean guy and the mean lady today for my 4-month checkup.  as usual, the mean lady made me take off all my clothes.  then she stretched me out on the table to see how tall i am and plopped me into the bucket scale to figure out how much i weigh.  i was so cold and so mad that i tried to pee on her.  i missed because she was too quick, and i ended up flooding the bucket instead

then the mean guy came in and pressed on my stomach, poked at my ears, stuck his fingers in my mouth… sheesh!  when he went for my testicles, that was the last straw.  i was so mad that i tried to pee on him too.  and guess what — i got him!  doc said that i am the first kid to win the “shoot the doctor” contest in a really long time.  yay me!  mommy told me to apologize, but the doctor said that he doesn’t blame me for getting revenge.  no hard feelings.

doc checked out my two little teeth and my full head of hair.  he said that he has only had one patient who got teeth earlier than i did.  he also said that most parents forget, but mommy and daddy must have remembered to check the hair and teeth options when they ordered me.  my doctor is so funny!

so, i weigh 15 pounds 2 ounces (55 %ile) and i am 26 inches long (83 %ile).  wowzers, i am getting to be so tall!  the mean lady made me eat the same yucky syrup and get the same two shots as i did at my 2 month appointment.  but at least mommy didn’t cry this time.  i am so proud of her

(mommy says that my nurse is actually a really sweet lady and that my pediatrician is a very nice man.)

everyone has been saying that i’m thinning out.  at first, i thought they were just talking about my hair, which is definitely getting thinner.  but mommy says i’m getting skinnier, too.  i guess my daily workout routine (dancing, crawling in place, and core strengthening in the cheater chair) is paying off.

now don’t be mistaken, i am still a chunky monkey.  but instead of 4 chins, i now only have 2.  and mommy used to say that i could smuggle contraband in my neck rolls.  i still can.  but instead of nuclear warheads, i can now only fit a dimebag or two.

to see just how much i’m growing (and because i no longer have monthly doctor’s appointments), daddy went out and bought me a digital scale.  i guess he doesn’t trust the wii fit.  or maybe he just got tired of it telling him that he is overweight.  anyway, daddy tested out the new scale by stepping on it while holding me.  he said that i must weigh 25 pounds because the scale read 25 pounds more than he thought he weighed.  that’s funny, cuz when mommy weighed me today, she said i weigh 15 pounds (62 %ile).  at my last doctor visit i was 75 %ile for weight, so i guess everyone’s right — i am thinning out.

we didn’t measure my length but i must be getting really tall.  for one thing, i am getting too long for the changing table in my pack ‘n play.  mommy and daddy don’t know what they’re gonna do!  and for another thing, i used to be the size of koda’s head, but now i am way taller than him.  it’s obvious from the photo that he only comes up to my shoulders when we lay down side by side

i got a clean bill of health at my checkup today.

here are my latest stats:  12 pounds 14 ounces (75 %ile) and 23 inches (52 %ile).  now i’m no statistician, but i’m pretty sure that makes me officially overweight.  hmph.  stupid growth curves.  doc doesn’t seem concerned though, so neither am i.

i got more vaccinations today, too — two shots in the leg and some yucky syrup that i had to eat.  bleccch.  mommy cried when i got the shots.  i dunno what she was crying about.  i am the one that had big needles stuck in me!

at my doctor’s appointment today, i weighed in at… brace yourself… 10 pounds 10 ounces (66 %ile) and measured 22.5 inches long (74 %ile)!!!  OH… MY… GAWD…

my doctor says i’m growing like a weed.

daddy wants to know what the heck mommy is feeding me.  protein shakes?

gung-gung (grandpa quon) thinks i should go on a diet.

auntie barbara says mommy should bottle up her breastmilk and sell it for millions!